The first eight and a half minutes are completely unrelated footage of Screech and his girlfriend in the tub, with the girlfriend filming. He refers to "D man and J.J." so she must be J.J. They've got candles burning around the wall-edge of the tub.

The three bigs topics of conversation are what they should do for dinner, which episode of 24 they're up to, and Dustin's dick. The girlfriend won't stop talking about it, and it keeps bobing there in the water between them. Typical dialogue from her: "Oh hey, somethin's peekin'!" and "You're like Zorro."

Dustin briefly worries that he's going to lean into the candles and light his head on fire like "michael jackson in a pepsi commerical." The girlfriend, after getting another shot of the dick, suggests freeze-framing to use as their next Christmas card, or Chanukah card in his case. He jokes about getting a pillow and blanket for it (really, this is their major subject of conversation, even though they've obviosly been together for some time), she rambles about getting it a barbie dream bed.

She: "You better not be scratching it."
He: "I'm totally scratching it."
She: "This is love time."

After he finally proposes having sex, they apparently put the camera away, and we now fade to a scene of Dustin somewhere in a hotel room addressing "the brotherhood of the bros." he tells them "I've got something special tonight for our little club." He's about to go upstairs where a bride and one her bridesmaids is waiting.

Cut the the bride's room. The bride (the blonde on the screencaps) is wearing her wedding veil, the bridesmaid sitting next to her on the bed. Dustin looks over her room, camera in hand, making lame jokes: "You have the sweetest ass tub, and the sweetest ass bed.. and the sweetest ass."

He goes over to a basket of sex toys that she's received as party gifts, taking them out one by one and making jokes and suggestive coments. It becomes clear that they have not agreed by this point that they're going to be having sex.

He pulls out a giant double-headed jelly dildo and reads the description on the back. He pulls out all the packages of lingerie and talks the bride into going into the bathroom to put one of them on. While she's in there he tries to talk the bridesmaid into putting one on. She acts somewhat shy:.

Bridesmaid: "You don't even know me."

Dustin: "You grew up with me baby."

He convinces her to flash one boob. "You know why I like it... cause it's a titty!"

The bride comes out wearing lingerie with crotchless panties, and they convince the bridesmaid to go into the bathroom and put on lingerie. He asks the bride to show him various parts of her body.

Dustin: "Oh you want to see it, huh? You want to see the monster."
Bride: "I want to see the monster."
Dustin: "All right well take the beast out." Repeats the beast phrase over and over. Once the beast is out, she immediately starts performing oral sex - out of the blue.

Dustin: "You've done this before."
Bride: "Just to my husband."
Dustin: "Oh hoh oh, yeah, when are you getting married again?"
Bride: {laughing} "Shut up."

He starts humming the bridal march as she keeps going. "Here comes the D, oh yeah it's me." Then the bridesmaid comes out in her lingerie, shocked at what she finds: "What the hell are you guys doing? You're getting married in two days." Dustin turns the camera on himself and says, "Oh, she's hot, she's hot, and she's mad."

The tape picks up shortly afterwards. The girls are much more drunk, and apparently the bridesmaid is resigned to having their little orgy. It's not clear what wen on in the interval.

He brings more gifts over to the bed. The bridesmaid makes some remark about "her and her husband." Which provokes Dustin to say, "Shh, quit sayin that word."

The bride pulls out three 'candy cock rings' (elastic band with those tiney lifesaver shaped candies on it like beads) and proposes to put them on Dustin, though he doesn't believe they'll fit. The bridesmaid puts on one, and they immediately
start licking his dick [The bridesmaid has completely changed her colors by this point.] After three seconds of that, the girls start making out by themselves, and it's pretty clear they're used to doing this. Dustin just films while adding color commentary. The bridesmaid starts oral sex on the bride.

The tape fades forward: now he asking them to "take care of the monster." The bride says its time to put a condom on it, and when she pulls out a standard trojan, he laughs at the idea that it will fit. The bride tries clumsily to put it on, getting it on upside down at first. finally she admits failure, and he pulls out a magnum xl. "Have you ever put a condom on before?
Seriously? You're fuckin' choking my chicken."

They go into a three-way I won't describe. He asks the bride to put her veil back on while she's going at it, and she does. The only thing worth mentioning about the sex is that he has a lot of trouble keeping it inside of whichever girl he's doing, maybe because he's holding the camera off to the side with one hand.

Fade forward again, and now the bride executes an anal penetration on the bridesmaid with the two-headed dildo he was
examining earlier (which was a nice piece of foreshadowing). We get four minutes of that.

Without any context, we see a few seconds of Dustin penetrating one of them from behind, too close-up to tell which one.

By the 39:27 mark, the sex is over and he spends ten minutes filming the girls, who are naked in the tub, while he stands in the middle of the room fully dressed. They're completely smashed, but he's still sober. He tells them he has to leave: "I'm waiting for a booty call." Bride: "Umm, don't you think we were your booty call." He starts commenting on her engagement ring, which seems to annoy her.

Dustin: "How did your husband-to-be propose to you, did he do it like sweetly? Did he get down on one knee, or did you get down on two?"

Bride, too drunk to make sense: "He didn't get down on shit, actually. We were in the airport, and he did get down on one knee."

He asks if they'll come see him next time he's in town doing his comedy. Comments on how the bridesmaid came out of her shell. They give each other the finger.

Dustin, examining his middle finger: "Look how big that finger is."
Bridesmaid: "Look how big that dick is."
Dustin, agreeing: "That shit is big."

He asks if they've been best friends for a long time, when was the first time they fooled around. The bride tries to tell him this was the first night. They spend a lot of time showing off 'booty' (that word must appear at least 100 times) The bride put plants in the bridesmaid's ass (?).

The bride pays him a compliment: "I've never met a white man with a dick that big."

He asks if they knew when they came to his show that they were going to try to have sex with him. They're too drunk to give a coherent answer.

Bride: "I want my husband to know that I do love you, but you're going to kill me."
Dustin says he doesn't intend
to show this to him.
Bride: "Here is to my fiance," then starts kissing the bridesmaid.
Dustin turns the camera to the mirror, gives a sarcastic thumbs up: "Yeah, good pick buddy."
Bride, addressing her fiance again: "I have to let you know I do love Dustin's dick more than yours."

The bride pours champagne all over themselves, getting it in their eyes. Then she announces "I've peed in the bath tub." The bridesmaid starts to get out, but first they shake their asses for the camera again. The bridesmaid exits the tub.

Dustin, to the bride: "Look at you, you little pee bandit, soaking in your own pee." So she starts to get out.

Now the conclusion: the bridesmaid has been drying off, and gets on the bed. Dustin comes up from behind, the camera on her ass, and tells her "Spread your cheeks, yeah, spread em." He sticks his finger up her ass. "Whoop," he yells, "the fisheye, the fisheye!"

He waves his finger around in the air as the bride, having just emerged from the bath, is wrapping herself in a towel. She looks at him with an expresion of confusion and disgust. Then he approaches her (camera on her face).

Dustin: "Hey let me ask you something, before I leave. Let me just ask you - come one, look at me, look at me." Bride: "What?"

Dustin: "You're so beautiful. Have you ever had a dirty sanchez?" And wipes the finger across her lip. It doesn't make any kind of visible mark. A look of horror comes over her face, and we freeze frame on that.

Now we cut to Screech by himself again adressing the camera: "Oh gentlemen - ok let's just go over a couple of things. I don't have my list in front of me, but I did keep track and it's on video record. We know that we get three points for every position - we'll tally those up later, not important right now. The imnportant thing is, is to point out the thingss that i did accomplish that are unique. Like the fisheye, for instance. (He sniffs his finger). Mmmm.. freshly washed - ON THE OTHER GIRL'S LIP! Not only did I get a dirty sanchez in, which we all know is worth at least 15 points, I got 10 for the fisheye, because it was definitely a surprise, it was not planned or prepared, I know i got

three points for each of the positions. We'll wait till we get back to the headquarters and tally up all the bases to see where we all come in.

In addition: "If you freeze-frame right at the blue jelly double-dong, i believe ther'e POOP on the end of it. So, gentlemen, as always I have gone above and beyond the call of duty. I can't wait to see what Mark does to top this, he won't be able to come close I'm sure because POOP was involved in mind... I think that's worth at least 20 points.